Reflections: Stormborn

9:22:00 PM

"Please understand. His goal is not to make you happy. His goal is to make you His. His goal is not to get you what you want; it is to get you what you need. And if that means a jolt or two to get you in your seat, then be jolted. Earthly discomfort is a glad swap for heavenly peace. Jesus said, In this world you will have trouble, but be brave! I have defeated the world (John 16:33)."*

I do not expect you to understand my faith. Even I haven't completely wrapped my head around it, and that speaks for a lifetime spanning Sunday school and a Christian high school and youth camps and choir practices and daily devotions. I am expected to be Christlike but in my humanity, I'm designed to fail.

I could believe that I'm doing so well at this point in my life - avoiding pitfalls and being kind. The next morning, old fears would return and I couldn't care less if I'm encouraging pain. I'm not perfect and life is an everyday reminder of that.

Sometimes the struggles take a while, take its toll, take a lot. Sometimes there is kicking and screaming. Sometimes there is painful silence. More often than not, peace doesn't happen until I've come used to the nothingness. In the most rarest moments, peace pops in like mefenamic acid to migraine that's just starting to tickle some nerves.

Why is there not a definitive SOP to life?

***

I, too, wonder: God, are You really there?
Even though I've always felt that He's never left me, nor forsaken me.

I, too, wonder: Why would You let this happen? When is this going to end?
Even though it was my choice to begin with. Even though I've been here before, what, four or five times, and always came out stronger.

I, too, wonder: How much more will You endure and let this walking wrecking ball loose?
Even though He's already covered all bases some thousands of years ago and promises that shame is no longer valid. That grace transforms.

***
"It isn't the circumstance that matters; it is God in the circumstance. It isn't the words; it is God speaking in them. It wasn't the mud that healed the eyes of the blind man; it was the finger of God in the mud. The cradle and the cross were as common as grass. What made them holy was the one laid upon them. The dove and the gull weren't special. But the one who sent them was."*

I don't understand my God, His reasons and His ways any more than you do. But I know that He's real. I know what He's done in my life and that He's not through with me yet. I know that more challenging seasons will come, but I am also certain that He'll carry me through every single one of it. No matter how long, how hard, how devastating.

I may not always remember. I will surely forget it in the middle of the storm. But this truth is buried in my heart, in the very essence of my soul, and when remembering would mean the most, He'll draw it out.

My God and His impeccable timing. 
My God and His tireless grace.
My God and His infinite mercy.

*Excerpts from Max Lucado's A Gentle Thunder: Hearing God Through the Storm.

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"Now the trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed."
CS Lewis

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