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There is freedom in not knowing.

If you're a fixer like me, chances are you've gone through great lengths at figuring people out and making sure you own situations, not the other way around. And if you actually have, you'd also most likely have found that the more you try to fix broken people and broken things...the more they seem to tear. And the more things in your life crumble, the more you lean towards doubting yourself (naturally).

One of the worst habits of fixers is feeding the incessant 'need' to know. In a relationship, this is (usually) a girlfriend who keeps bugging her boyfriend to "talk about the problem" when he's still processing things in his mind. In prayer, this is God, when is this going to end? God, why is this happening? God, just tell me now if it's a yes or a no! Fortunately for us (a definite for me), God has gotten patience down to the e - uhm, He invented it!

I need to know if I can trust him. 
I need to know if I'm getting that promotion. 
I need to know if she's lying to me. 
I need to know if this is going to work. 
I need to know if... 

Oftentimes, I need to know if is fueled by hard work in areas of our life where success is co-dependent on someone else, like relationships and career. What we really want to know is that our investments are guaranteed return. And if it turns out the world is cheating on us, we want to be the first to point the finger or turn our back.

Ask yourself, as I have many times: once knowledge confirms the worst of your fears...what's next?
Do you stop loving? 
Do you stop giving? 
Do you stop hoping? 
Did it change anything? 
Did you fix it? 
Has God's mercy stop flowing? 
Has His grace become insufficient?
Now, I'm not encouraging ignorance. But let us not weary ourselves in trying to control every detail of our situations when, clearly, none of our ways seem to be working. Allow the puzzle to reveal the bigger picture piece by piece. I've come to accept that I don't have to know what God is doing in other people's lives (the ones that matter to me the most) to believe that He is working for their good. Truth will always make itself known, and what is kept from me at the moment is probably something I can't yet understand.

There is freedom in not knowing, when you learn how to trust without borders.

"When I am afraid, I will trust in You."
Psalm 56:3


photos: @awsmchos | reflections: Two and Two

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Quote of the Day

"Now the trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed."
CS Lewis

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