2015: The Year We Need to Grow Up A Little

9:48:00 AM

A photo posted by Danielle (@awsmchos) on


Everyone seems to have had a good run in 2014. Everyone also seems to be so excited to share their memories and joy to the world. Not all I know are writers, of course, so...thanks, Facebook for being on top of the hearts and flowers.

I can't seem to find the will to put 2014 into words. It was beyond good. Actually, it was pretty amazing. And yet, as the end drew near, I felt a deep longing for quietness. Two hours to midnight, I glued on my music—shuffling between Brooke Fraser, Taylor Swift (please judge) and Beauty and the Beast's OST—and hid under the warmth of my comforter. Three minutes in the countdown, I got up to join the festivities from the very safe distance of my room's window. The sky exploded in pretty lights but I heard none of it. It was just me in a dark room and Fraser and New Year's Eve.

"Tonight I'm gonna find something true"

The last two weeks of December was met with a loss. Seeing it coming was effortless. Accepting it was a struggle. I can't quite put my finger on the exact feeling—not sadness, no—but whatever it was, I told myself I couldn't wake up in the morning with the past riding on my back. I cannot allow two weeks to ruin all the fun of 2014, now can I?

I wonder if I'll ever get it back again.

Hello, 2015. I think I need to grow up a little.

A photo posted by Danielle (@awsmchos) on


When I think of growing up, I think of three c's: courage, change, commitment. Each a prerequisite to the other. You need courage if you're gonna change. You need commitment to keep that change. And you need a change of heart regarding your current circumstances to find both. I'm not quite sure I've got any of it down pat. The beauty of life (also at times its ugliest part) is that it forces us to keep moving.

I've got another word: intent. (Let's all pretend YOLO never happened.) To run with purpose in every step is to make every moment count. To not be careless with every remark, every thought, every opportunity, every relationship. To make every action purposeful and truthful, not merely a response to "feelings" and intuition. To be less of an unintentionally hurtful person and, I guess, the best way to live our way out of "I didn't mean to" is to live more doing what we do mean. Still with me?

So...courage, change, commitment and intent. It sounds like I have a lot of hard work cut out for me in 2015. And you know what, I'm fine with that. I have the strength for it. As I myself have told someone in the past, maybe it's just the time for that. Maybe it's not the time for wanderlust or passion projects or realizing dreams. Maybe it's just the time for hard work. Growing up is a lot of hard work.

Sing with me, Rainer Maria Rilke:

“Keep growing quietly and seriously throughout your whole development; you cannot disturb it more rudely than by looking outward and expecting from outside replies to questions that only your inmost feeling in your most hushed hour can perhaps answer.”

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2 comments

  1. Hi Dani! I discovered your blog this year (as to how, I can't remember haha) and I've been one of your silent readers. I may not often comment but I enjoyed reading your posts. The story behind each photo and even the photos never fail to relax me.

    I love your 3 Cs and "I" I'm impressed and admire you that at such a young age, you already have a clear perspective of everything. Wishing you all the best in 2015 and I hope we can be friends albeit online :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, Diane! Thank you for the kind words. However, I must refute what you said about having a clear perspective of things. Truth be told, I have no clue how to do this life thing :P

      Cheers to an awesome 2015.

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