What I needed to read today

5:49:00 PM

What I needed to read today | Awesome in Manila

I'm thanking not the universe but the God who created the universe and everything in it, for allowing me to encounter such a beautiful, encouraging and eye-opening string of words. I needed to read this. I've been needing to hear this for a very long time. Yes, I do find magnificence in the way the heart carries on after being broken several times. Despite the struggle and confusion. Despite all the roadblocks. Despite all the bad days. When I was at my lowest (and thank God, I'm out of it), just when I was on the brink of giving up, I found strength. There's a word for it, I was told: resilience.

And this fortitude, mind you, was not something I acquired from this movie or that book. It wasn't self-made. It wasn't store-bought. It wasn't instant. I did not simply wake up one morning feeling better—I dreaded what felt like a thousand mornings before getting to that moment. I needed to feel sad. I needed to be angry. I needed to cry. I had to give myself a breather. And then I had to give myself a deadline. I had to show up at work, at gatherings, at life in general. I had to put on a show, a face, and keep at it until the need expired. Rinse, repeat.

"But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40:31, ESV

In the middle of confusion, of anger and of fear, the only roar that my heart could let out sounded like total surrender. What a beautiful, freeing feeling to be able to finally admit my weaknesses and be met with an assurance that I am loved despite my flaws. To know that I can just be me, that I don't have to play god and try to fix everything. To make peace with all the things I don't understand, all the answers that could not yet be given to me.


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CS Lewis

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